she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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