and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
