Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
