I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
