The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
