Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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