16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
