dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
