it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
