I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
if only i could text you this smell
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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