Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
