Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize