Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize