You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
