Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
