on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
