whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
