Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize