Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
