oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize