What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
