I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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