I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
