i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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