shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
What did we do last night that was yellow?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize