if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
