There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I can text with my tongue
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize