my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
