Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
