Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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