I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
