dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think my vagina is haunted
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize