My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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