I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
