she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
