i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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