apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
