I think my vagina is haunted
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Houston, we have a squirter
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
