i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
