Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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