Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
