you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I wish there were birth control emojis
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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