there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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