So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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