You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
