you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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