well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
