people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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