so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
