Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
