I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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