If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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