Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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