Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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