Swine flu. Run for my life!
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
where are my eyebrows?
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