garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
