Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
