I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
