Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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