he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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