I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
