3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
