i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
