Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
