Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
